Ten Silly Ideas That Would Lower Healthcare Costs

Healthcare costs are too high.  The cost of a specialist or Emergency-Room visit has skyrocketed. What can we do? A lot. I have plenty of ideas and here are 10 of the best ones. I fully endorse all of them and hope to see them implemented soon.

1. Mandatory 10-mile runs for any man caught sitting on a couch longer than four days. This could help speed up metabolism and improve his relationship with other family members...if they're still around. After about four of these runs, he won't be a couch potato any longer!

2. No pasta Tuesdays. Instead, rice cakes, blueberries and pomegranate extract will be served at all college dining halls and hospital cafeterias. And no pizza deliveries at night on Tuesdays.

3. Doogie Howser will become the new caretaker of national health care reform. Medical schools would provide special funding for applicants under the age of 12. Eligibility ages for driving will reduce from 16 to 11. And  Sesame Street and Big Comfy Couch will replace all evening programming.

4.  Routine annual physicals will become "routine weekly physicals." Just as garbage pickup is once per week (and that works pretty well!) routine physicals will occur every Monday or Tuesday, with recycling included.

5. Hospital semi-private rooms will be replaced by a maximum room occupancy of 14.Yes, crowded conditions will make treatment a bit impersonal, but large non see-through curtains would be utilized. Dependents on your policy can stay in the room along with three family pets. No goats or sheep please.

6. Everyone's appendix will be removed by age 24. At the same time, a small computer chip would be installed in its place. This chip would monitor the central nervous system and make subliminal suggestions. Eventually, psychiatrists would not be needed, except during March Madness.

7. Hockey and football players would wear protective watermelons over their helmet to help reduce the number of concussions. This could also help in keeping the players hydrated during games, although I don't know what would happen with the seeds.

They Taste So Good!

8. Fast food restaurants will only sell french fries to customers that agree to eat them in the restaurant while walking on a treadmill. While it won't offset all of the calories, it will help a little. Large fries would require an extra hour of running.

9. Movie theaters will replace long-time favorites popcorn and nachos with bean curd and skim milk smoothies. To offset anticipated lost revenue, the average price of a movie ticket will rise from $9 to $65.

10. The last digit of your license plate will represent the number of prescriptions you take. Therefore, the healthiest drivers will have very low numbers as their last digit. If you are driving behind someone with a number higher than five...Look out!

You wanted lower healthcare prices? Now you have 10 recommendations that will save millions of dollars. And it might make your next visit to the doctor a lot more entertaining.